You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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