i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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