whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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