you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
