Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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