my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize