Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
