Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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