when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
