i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
