You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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