I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
