Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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