Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
