I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
