Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
