I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
