I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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