so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
