Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
