You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
