I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
