You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
