True but thats because hes a fetus.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
