I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Btw I puked in your glovebox
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
