just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
