never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
