I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
