i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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