We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's blow job season.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
