did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
