i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
