i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize