He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
