we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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