walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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