I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
