I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
