If i come over, it means nothing
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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