Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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