Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
