Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
