I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
