i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
