We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
