Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
