i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
