The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
