Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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