I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize