and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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