24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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