Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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