Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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