I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
