No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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