Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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