its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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