Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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