i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
