so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
50% drunk capacity currently
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
