it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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