Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
