i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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