Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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