I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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