Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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