she woke up with a sticky ear
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
