32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
