you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
